Right! Where was I?

Just found my old blog after changing to the new Macbook a while back.........well, I am 63 after all.

I want to say to all the doom and gloom merchants - Everton will rise again this season. We have already played the top clubs - Man City and Utd plus Chelsea - and used up many of the difficult fixtures already.

Now we can rely on David Moyes to produce results for the next few months which will move us into the top ten, with the usual spring push which might bring an FA Cup with some luck in the draw. I agree with Moyes' policy of keeping Barclay hidden until after the January transfer window is closed - let us hope he will sign a contract in December.

In the meantime, hopefully a good result at Newcastle will give us momentum.

Joey Barton

I am delighted to hear that Everton are not interested in that offensive little twat Joey Barton.

I should think not, too.

I don't think the young man is very welcome on Merseyside these days.

It was 30 years ago today

It was 30 years ago today that Howard Kendall joined Everton as player/manager from Blackburn Rovers. After a shaky start, and some well dodgy purchases in the transfer market, Howard eventually fashioned together a side that was, at its pomp, considered by many judges to be the best in Europe. They won the FA Cup in 1984, and the League Championship & European Cup-Winners Cup the next year.
The side was to be cruelly broken up after the European ban, yet Kendall still managed to win the title again before decamping to Spain.

He is also a very nice man.

And he likes a bevvy.

Cheers, Howard! Love ya.

Breaking News

Breaking news: Man Utd team to face Barcelona..

Van der Sar
Rafael
Ferdinand
Vidic
Evra
Valencia
Carrick
An unamed Premiership footballer
Park
Rooney
Hernandez

Thank you, Walter

So - Walter Smith has retired.
Rangers fans will rightly laud him as a manager who has brought many trophies [17?] to their Club over the years. Indeed, there are many who feel that Walter's achievements over the last three years have saved the Club from financial extinction.

We Evertonians also have much to thank this remarkable man for.

When he was Everton Manager, he was able to bring in many players on big fees and good wages, thanks to the largesse of then chairman and owner Peter Johnson. Johnson, according to local legend, borrowed 20 million pounds for squad development with a bank loan secured against shares in his company which provided hampers at Christmas, and Smith brought in players such as Marco Materazzi, Olivier D'Acourt, John Collins in an attempt to elevate the Club's position. Alas, things went badly tits up for Mr Johnson - he took his eyes off the Company Ball back in Hamper-land, the shares crashed and the bank explained to him that he did not have enough collateral in his shareholdings to cover the loan. Something had to be done, and fast.
So, without the knowledge of the manager - Walter Smith - Johnson negotiated the sale of Goodison icon Duncan Ferguson to Newcastle United, to claw back some of the debt. Eventually, Collins, D'Acourt and Materazzi went too.
The Club was in financial turmoil.
The fans wanted Bill Kenwright to take over, but Johnson was holding out for big money - initially over 70 million. Kenwright did not have anything like that sort of cash. Everton was in limbo.
Shorn of many players, without any finance to develop the squad, Walter kept on going and somehow managed to keep the Club in the top flight.
Eventually, Bill Kenwright took over the Club, but with just enough to buy Johnson's shares he didn't have the wherewithall to bring in massive signings. Walter carried on manfully with little resource available to him, but eventually he lost his job.
Bill Kenwright said at the time that this was the most difficult decision he had ever had to make, and rightly praised Walter for his role in saving Everton.

So - thank you, Walter Smith. You won no trophies as Everton manager, but you kept our great old Club where it belongs - in the top flight of English football.

Enjoy your retirement - and come down and see us some time.

Flo-rida

Having been here in Florida for several days, I have to say that [despite my initial misgivings] I kinda like the place. The service in bars and restaurants has the same cloying "have a nice day" shite that you expect in the USA, but in most cases they REALLY MEAN IT.
They are just nice people. Mostly from central America or Cuba, the staff in the restaurants and bars are intelligent, multi-lingual folk who like what they do.
Compare that to the average barmaid in Liverpool, whose first greeting might be, "What do you want?"
We have attended the wedding of two pals [which is why we're here] and just hung out with friends so far, but tomorrow we are off to Universal Studios - might be a knackering experience.......

Arsene - You've totally lost the plot

Now, much as it grieves me that Liverpool managed a late penalty equaliser in the 75th minute of added time at the weekend, I had to grimace at the childish, petulant response of Arsene Wenger at the end of the game. When Dalglish moved towards Wenger [presumably to offer a handshake etc] he was greeted by a shower of invective [I read that in the Times once].
Dalglish, correctly, changed his manner and told the mad Frog to eff off.

When someone earning potloads of money, and expected to set the correct example to his players as well, behaves in such an uncivilised manner, then there is only one response.

Oy!
Arsene!
We saved your Country, freed you from the Hun, and gave you De Gaulle!
[Well, two out of three ain't bad...]
Show some respect to the intinerant Jock!

Wise words indeed..from http://thelawwestofealingbroadway.blogspot.com/

The High Court has ruled about the so-called 'kettling' of demonstrators. There will be an appeal, we hear, but let's get back to first principles:-

I have no problem with the police restraining parts of crowds to protect officers, civilians, and property.
Any interference with the public's freedom needs to be necessary and proportionate.
It also needs to be imposed for the shortest possible time.
What appears to have outraged many people was the prolonged containment of so many, including well behaved bystanders, for hours, while refusing appeals from the unwell, the elderly, and even those desperate to use a lavatory.
The appeal will proceed. If the judgment is upheld, the civil claims will pour in to the Met.
Common sense is more British, and is also a lot cheaper than bungled confrontation

Angry boy is now nice boy

Ah............Wayne Rooney scored a fine goal for Manchester
United against Chelsea last night, and was all smiles afterwards - no swearing into the lens this time!
Jolly good show, old bean.

And his 2 match ban has been confirmed by the Premier League. After which, Rooney has now told the press that he is being victimised - lots of players swear during the game, so why me?

Listen, son.

A bit of agricultural language happens during the cut and thrust of the match. However, after scoring, if you dash towards a TV camera lens and give it loads right in front of the watching nation, then that's a bit different.

You are a successful millionaire with a beautiful wife and fantastic life.

So all this anger doesn't wash with us ordinary folk who have to work hard for a living with much less reward than you.

Don't you understand that we are not stupid?

Get a grip, count your blessings and chill.

Plonker.

Shooting yerself in the [left] foot?

Emailed this morning from Everton FC on their mailing list, and the headline was - find out who wants to bid for Leighton Baines. The link is into the Daily Mail piece alleging that Arsene Wenger is preparing a ten million pound bid for Baines this summer, as his current left back won't sign a new deal......

Now, the Daily Mail can speculate about this stuff as much as they like [they often get it totally wrong, but that's by the bye] but why on Earth does Everton FC want to add publicity for this highly speculative bit of nonsense - on match day as well?

The half wit who made this decision must be blessed with the judgement of retarded fruit fly.

Apropos of today's game, there is a bit of breeze but it is sunny and bright here on Merseyside. Villa won't be after parking the bus across their penalty box, so I expect a few goals - at both ends. Hoping for a win for the Blues, but most importantly that the luncheon is satisfactory in the hospitality area.

Champagne at 12.15 - hurrah!

Stat of the week

Everton have not beaten Aston Villa for nine matches, apparently.
Bets for tomorrow?

Everton to win, Tony Hibbert to score.

Collect you winnings Monday morning. Thousands of pounds.

Another England

Tuned in to the England game this evening, as Leighton Baines and Phil Jagielka were due to play.
I have to admit, England friendly matches can be somewhat boring - but tonight's game with Ghana was terrific - both sides having a go and plenty of meaty challenges as well.
Everton content: Jagielka clearly drew number 13 in the raffle on the team bus. First half, out of position at left centre back to accommodate Cahill, who can only play on the right. Second half, at right full back to accommodate Lescott. Okay - bit of a surprise here - Jags did not have a good night here.
As for Leighton Baines, first half was excellent going forward but second half the Ghana coach paid him the compliment of having him virtually man-marked when going forward.
Ashley Young had a productive match in midfield, showing guile and skill, although Wilshere produced little of value. Barry was combative and organised in a holding role, and Johnson had a decent half before being subbed.
I thought Ghana were worth a draw, and Leighton Baines was very good indeed.
And - here's a thing: an England side without Terry, Cole and Ferdinand [two serial shaggers and a drug test dude] played really well and entertained over 80,000 fans.
Over to you, Fabio.

Courtesy of John Cleese [apparently]

ALERTS TO DOMESTIC THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : (BY JOHN CLEESE)



The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.



The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.



The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.



Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."



The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."



Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .



The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.



Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.



-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

Things not to do

One: when you cease to have any use for the outer casing [about three feet tall and a foot square] of an old kitchen pedal bin, do not leave it outside in the garden, on the patio area, in the Autumn.
Two: do not on any account place in said pedal bin casing the remains of the canopy of a gazebo destroyed by a particularly windy day in October.
Three: do not leave said gazebo cover in said bin casing for the whole winter, so it fills up with water.

Because there will be a day of reckoning. A day when you have to get all of the water out of the casing, then transfer the dripping wet gazebo cover into the wheely bin, and then finally take said pedal bin casing to the tip - where it should have gone last year.

That day of reckoning, alas, is tomorrow.

Tonight's News

Football -Balotelli - what an utter plonker. Appalling tackle, deserved red card. Looking at the subs City brought on, it shows the strength in depth that their money has secured. In the end, money talks, and although they went out of Europe tonight, they will be a major force in English football for the next few years.
Personal - Phil Pellow [aged 62 and three quarters] has obtained Open University Qualification in Creative Web Design, to go with his City & Guilds level 2.

Hurrah!

Another glass of Rioja, I think.............

I know it's worth pot loads of money, but............

Isn't the Champions League a load of KACK?
Boring boring boring.

Of course, if Everton were in it, different ball game.

A visitor

Beneath the holly tree and the apple tree at the bottom of the garden we have a whole bunch of rotting logs. We put them there to encourage creepy crawlies, which are good food for a number of garden birds, and they've been there for about six years now.
Early this morning, at dawn, I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea for Barbara, and saw a wren alight into the garden and poke around among the logs looking for grubs. Sheer bliss - they are such reclusive birds and what a pleasure to see one.
Taking the cup of tea, the arthritis in my left thumb gave me a sharp reminder, the cup went tits up and the tea was spilled over the kitchen floor. Twenty minutes to clean it all up.
Welcome to my world.

Spingtime

I think it's fair to say that spring has arrived -over the weekend, we spent some time in the garden clearing away the rubbish from winter. Leaves from last autumn, now morphed into dark purple mush by [1] the dreadful snow of December, [2] the garden flood of Christmas/New Year caused by a pipe becoming disconnected in the outside bog while we were away in the far east, which left the whole back garden under 4 inches of water and [c] my general indolence. Also, the Barby which hasn't moved [or been cleaned] since last used late in September. Plus, removing all of the shrubs and plants murdered by the winter weather.
Still, the garden is now "tidy".
Plus, the garden birds are now arriving at the feeding station on the apple tree. A pair of blackbirds are nest building in the monster Ivy/Holly leaf mass, and a pair of tree creepers have set up home behind the ivy. Which is nice. There are some blue tits, great tits, thrushes, sparrows and starlings around and it's nice watching them all grabbing a feed and gassing to eachother in the trees.
Managed a direct hit on the tabby cat from three houses up on Sunday morning [twatted him with an ash tray] so hopefully he will not be re-visiting soon.
Finally, we have cleared the water fountain of dead leaves and rancid water and got it going again with clear, fresh water for the birds to have a nice bath.
Phil Pellow, News at Ten, Crosby.

Poetry corner 3

From Satis? Fanzine, 1999:

The ghosts look down in sadness
As we drift from higher plains
They must recall their own careers
Where pride always remains

The tackles, passes, movement, goals
The roaring of the crowds
The sun, the rain, the wind and snow
Flat caps, and smoke in clouds

Gleaming trophies lifted high
oh-six, and thirty-three
Jimmy Dunne and Alec Troupe
Joe Mercer, Stein.........Dixie

Sleeves rolled up. passions high
when the going became tough
Giants who believed
Only the Best is Good Enough

And now we pray to lesser gods
with flash cars, agents, designer gear
Whose passion is for sound accounts
with cash to spare, no fear

They sit us down, they calm us down
they price the workers out
They sell us forty five quid tops
And dip their greedy snouts

And where is all the passion gone?
The love, the care? How come
They cannot understand it?
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

Bodily harm - A Warning

What starts as a passionate cuddle can develop into serious damage to the body - if your wife has [a] significant fingernails, and [b] little control.

Blood will flow.

you have been warned.

What a load of tosh!

Just trundled upstairs to the home office after consuming a few cold ones watching Braga - Liverpool in the Europa.
Gawd, it was dreadful.
Lump it to Andy - the new Anfield mantra - was the order of the day for the last half hour after Carroll entered the fray. Unfortunately, he is a way short of match fitness and [hard as he tried] he made little difference apart from changing the tactics of the team.
Thought Joe Cole looked a sad shot pony this evening, and mystified as to why Mereiles was exiled to the right wing for the latter part of the game.
Mystifying tactics, no organisation or cohesion, the Reds were very poor.

Suspect that 40,000 screaming scousers [well, some of them will be scousers, anyway] can help Liverpool through in the second leg, but as the competition develops and the opposition becomes more taxing, Liverpool will have to work out how to score some away goals if they wish to progress much further.

Poetry Corner 2

An Ode to Goodison Park, written in May 2000.

She stands alone, aloft and proud
Amidst a sea of dross
Never moving, ever true to all who come inside
A place of love and worship, a place where lovers bide.

Her stands are strong, like towers
Above the terraced lines.
She ushers in her children, she drives their parents mad.
She welcomed my grandfather when he was but a lad.

Sam Chedzoy, Young the first,
Dixie, Mercer, Jones.
All had pause to look around in awe when first they came.
And later, in my childhood, too, others sought their fame.

Royston swerved, Alex soared,
And Gordon, caked in mud.
A hundred thousand woodies, a half a million teas.
The smoke would billow round her roofs. The roars, the groans, the pleas.

And now her paint is faded
She shudders in the cold.
They say it's time to leave her be, to try another field.
She's past her best, she's lost her looks. It's time for her to yield.

So build your concrete monster.
Build your village theme.
Pull the lady down, you fools, and make another start.
Take away the history, pull the lady down. Go on, then, break my heart.
You'll never build another,
When Goodison goes down.
You'll never, ever, recreate that lovely lady's soul,
Which lies upon the terrace, when many years ago
My father, just a boy of twelve, saw Dixie score THAT goal.

I've been to all the others
Those soulless, heartless holes.
Edifices made of sand, cement and no-one's love.
Surrounded by the open fields; roomy and forlorn.
No corner shop. No Chippy. No pub and no queues.
No push and shove.

A hundred years of history
A million billion dreams.
She holds them all within her arms, and that's where they will stay.
If you remove the lady, the dreams will fade away.
Little Bobby Collins, Labby - calm and in command;
Davie Hickson, locks akimbo, charging at the Street.

Pull her down.
Go on, then.
For hope, defeat.

Consistency - and Good Management

One of the measures of a Team is how well they respond to adversity, and whether their manager can pick them up after a defeat and get them on the right track straight away. I was intrigued to note that Manchester United suffered a second consecutive league defeat at Anfield this weekend and wondered which Clubs have gone the longest since losing two League games in a row.

Here ya go:

Everton 52
Arsenal 21
Fulham 20
Manchester City 19
Tottenham Hotspur 18
Chelsea 13
Newcastle United 10
Aston Villa 10
Liverpool 8
West Bromwich Albion 8
West Ham United 6
Bolton Wanderers 5
Wolverhampton Wanderers 5
Blackpool 3
Stoke City 2
Sunderland 1
Manchester United 0
Blackburn Rovers 0
Birmingham City 0
Wigan Athletic 0

Not that I'm biased, of course. Perish the very thought.
Just thought I'd mention it, though.

That is better.....

Very pleased to see that David Moyes switched Michel Arteta out wide at Newcastle - and the impact was sensational. Give the guy a little room and he will cut opposition defences to ribbons.
The centre of Midfield in the Premier League these days is virtually always crowded and cluttered: you win matches by getting the ball wide, and having talented players who can exploit width.
Simple.

Memo to David - keep him out wide please! With Phil Neville looking to have pulled a hamstring, Johnny Heitinga can slot into centre midfield and perform the same role, leaving Arteta and Osman wide.

The games are coming hard and fast at Birmingham City these days, with three in 8 days following a draining Wembley final. I expect an Everton win on Wednesday.

Memo to Leon Osman - very silly haircut. Let it grow properly like a grown up and stop this sillyness.

Memo to Marouine Fellaini - hope the operation goes well tomorrow and see you next season. And tell your dad to put a sock in it. ["Tais-toi, cher papa"]

Poetry Corner 1

I am your latest signing,
You won't believe the fee.
My Agent's in the corner.
He looks after me.

I'll give you fourteen Matches,
And then my groin I'll strain.
I'll bugger off on holiday,
And not be seen again.

I am your latest signing,
You won't believe the fee.
My Agent's in the corner.
He looks after me.

I'll tell the press you hate me,
I'll carp and I'll complain.
I'll tell my lovely agent
It's Italy or Spain.

I am your latest signing,
You won't believe the fee.
My Agent's in the corner.
He looks after me.

I am your latest nightmare
You won't receive a fee,
And still you'll pay a million pounds
to see the back of me.

I am ANOTHER signing
You won't believe the fee.
My agent's in the corner.
He looks after me.
It's just a case of Deja Vu
You all know the score.
Get rid of one plonker,
then go and sign one more.

Technology

I see that FIFA & UEFA are meeting this weekend to discuss the introduction of some measure of goal line technology into the game.
About time too, if it happens.
Here is an article I wrote in my fanzine [Satis?] in the summer of 1998.

Technology – Satis? Summer edition 1998

When Sky TV got their teeth into football, they made an early decision which was to change the way British TV treated the game for ever. Sky put in multiple camera angles, and added state of the art technology to assist the commentators and pundits in their analysis of the action.
The simple old action replay was just not enough; now we were to get five different views of each critical moment, computer tracking analysis, total overkill. And what happened?
Something any football fan could have told you - the deficiencies of our referees were exposed time after time, with sometimes crucial decisions shown to be totally wrong, and important games shown to be decided by the incompetence of the officials, instead of the skill of the players.
And, of course, the debate about the use of technology and the fourth official began to grow.
The initial response of the football insiders was predictable. “We should leave the game alone, the decisions even themselves out over the full season, referees do a great job in very difficult circumstances..blah blah blah” The usual litany on Match of the Day from the Hills and the Hansens.
Utter drivel.
Decisions cannot “even themselves out” over the season. Just imagine that in one game, the referee wrongly disallows a goal, but the team in question are leading 3-0 with only a few minutes to go. Tough deal, but so what? In another game, a Cup semi-final, the referee wrongly disallows a winning goal in the last few minutes, and the team in question lose the replay. No way can you compare these two decisions. In the latter case, the club could lose millions, the fans are heartbroken.
The FA must act now to introduce the use of technology and help make the game fairer. A fourth official, linked to the referee by radio, is seated with a bank of TV monitors and a technician, and can give an alternate opinion on crucial moments in the game.
When should the fourth official be used?
Satis? offers the following blueprint.
The fourth official can only be used in the following circumstances:
1 If there is a “tight” offside decision, the referee should wave “play on”. If the result is a goal, then the referee will call for a replay to check whether it was offside or not. If the result is a goal kick, corner, throw in etc, then the referee takes no further action. Play continues.
2 If there is a penalty appeal, but the officials are unsure or unsighted, then play continues until the ball goes dead. The referee calls for the fourth official to adjudicate on the penalty. If his decision is that it was a penalty, then play is taken back and the penalty kick awarded. If not, play continues.
3 If there is a claim that a goal has been scored, but the officials are unsure or unsighted, then play should continue until the ball goes dead, by which time the fourth official will have decided whether it was a goal or not. If no goal, then play just continues.
In each of these cases, only a major decision is affected - a goal or a penalty. And by the time the ball has gone dead, the fourth official may already have reached a decision, so there should not be much in the way of time delays. Moreover, the above situations don’t often happen during a match, so the total amount of time taken by the use of the technology would amount to no more than a few minutes per game.
If you take the time we spend in going to and from the match, plus the time in the stadium, and mayhap the odd glass with friends before and after, what difference would a few minutes make?
Not a lot.
After the games, the FA can look critically at specific incidents involving player discipline, and get the right answer every time. Suspensions can be retrospectively applied if necessary, to cut down the
cheats.
More importantly, football would get the result right more than it does now. Fans would not leave the stadium fuming about dreadful decisions which have slaughtered their teams’ season, and would be far more inclined to accept the result, in the knowledge that everything possible was done to help get the right result.

And no more Clive Thomas, David Elleray etc to play the film star at our expense.

Isn’t that what everyone wants?

While you're waiting for the microphone to return.....

Enjoy this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwV8rXahuao

Ahhhhhhhh

And now, the Weather.......

It will be cold and gloomy on Merseyside for the next few weeks, with no sign of Fellaini until August, and Cahill for about a month.

Fanny Old Game

What a bizarre day for football. Louis Saha, who is usually out for three months if he bends a fingernail, managed to total a £170k Ferrari and walk out unscathed. Over at the Chelsea rifle range, Torres had ten shots and missed with them all, Ashley Cole hit the youth player with just one shot, but Drogba was the one that fell to the floor in agony.
[with due acknowledgement to Stoo Roberts]

Done him like a kipper

Had to smile at the antics of Johnny Heitinga during the penalty shoot out at Stamford Bridge. Having despatched his own penalty, he proceeded to dance a little jig in front of the six thousand Evertonians packed behind the goal - thus keeping Ashley Cole waiting for a good half minute before he could take his penalty. Then, on the walk back to the centre circle, Heitinga shoved Cole and gave him a little verbal.
Cole's resultant penalty, miles high and well wide, was the product of a tormented and confused soul.

Sledging of the highest order.

Done him Like a kipper.

Well Done Barbara

Lovely day yesterday, at Coventry Cathedral to see my sister Barbara installed as a Canon.

Beautiful cathedral, wonderful service, glorious singing throughout, and most important - congratulations to my wonderful sister.

Well done!

Fabregas the coward

Sad to see Fabregas try and end Arteta's season with a coward's tackle raking the back of Arteta's achilles at the Emirates.
Sadder still to read the drivel put out by Arsene Wenger ignoring the tackle and claiming that his boy is a regular target for the hatchet men.
Pot.
Kettle.
Black.

"I deedn't see yit" my arse.

This kind of barefaced lying to the media brings no credit upon a fine manager whose teams have brightened the Premier League over the last decade and a half.

Shame really.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. Fabregas, you're a coward.

Spurs hammered, Pienaar rubbish

What a dreadful performance by Spurs at Fulham.
As for Pienaar - good luck and hope you enjoy the money, becuase you were utterly awful today.
And by the way, well played Fulham.

The curse of Walter!
Hurrah!

The curse

We used to call it "The curse of Walter" when Walter Smith was in charge at Everton.
Whenever a player left the Blues for "greener pastures" they inevitably found that very quickly their career went tits up.
Cue Nick Barmby, Don Hutchison, Tommy Gravesen, Abel Xavier and others.

So.

Farewell Steven Pienaar. You were no-one when you arrived at Everton, and now you're off to London.
Enjoy the money.

And remember the curse of Walter [Davie].

Players come and players go, but we fans are here for ever. Never make heroes of these dilettantes, they are just not worth it.

And a chance now for Jack Rodwell to make a permanent place in our midfield line-up.

While I'm at it - Dan Gosling: worst of luck to you, too, loser.

Taraah, then Yak

So - it's goodbye then to Yak
And that's the end of that.
It's not because you're black,
It's 'cos your friggin fat.

E J Thribb [17]

How low can they go?

Have to say that last night's performance was the worst I have seen in over 50 years of watching Merseyside football.

Only a massive improvement will avoid a right old tonking by Everton on Sunday.

End of.

And it came to pass [anon] part 2

21]When they saw that the might of the Kopites was nigh restored, all the tribes trembled. 22]But the King of the devil-worshippers did not tremble: he was crafty, and in his wisdom he send a madness upon Raphael. 23]Then Raphael became as a man who dreams, speaking in tongues and seeing visions. 24]And he squandered the wealth of the people on lame and useless servants. 25]For he brought to their camp El Zhar and Ngog, Degen and Bar-Ragan. And he brought Yossi the Israelite, who had settled west of the land of Ham; and Babel, in whose name men built a tower. 26]And he brought many, many more. 27]And soon Raphael feared to venture forth, lest he be vanquished, but exhorted his servants only to defend the camp. 28]Then all the tribes came to loath the Kopites, because they were so boring. 29]So the people came before the two Lords, and said, "Why don't Ye giz some ackers for Raphael, that he may bring further glory to the people?" 30]And the Lords replied, "Behold, we have given him millions and millions of shekels. But in his madness he spent it on Glen the son of John, and Aquilani the Roman. And lo, he squandered it on Josemi. Now the bounty of the Lords is gone, for he hath spunked it on absolute garbage." 31]But the people were not satisfied, and they wrote screeds of righteous indignation, and kept saying things about "net spend". 32]So the Lords cast out Raphael, and sent for the prophet Roy, renowned for his steady hand and his outstretched arm and his good relations with the press. 33]But the people were in mourning for Raphael: they loved him greatly and pitied him. And they did also pity themselves. 34]For they were blind to his madness, seeing only his triumph against the Burlusconians years before. 35]And Roy was an old man, and the Kopites lost countless battles. 36]And the people went berserk, and threatened to come unto the house of the Lords and do Them harm. 37]And it came to pass that They were skint, and the moneylenders drove Them from the temple. 38]And so yet another Lord came among the Kopites, and He sacrificed Roy and sent for the old King who had led the Kopites a full score years before. 39]Then the people rejoiced, and cried, "Right, this time we are pure fuchen sorted, la. We're gonna win the league." 40]And there was laughter across the land.

And it came to pass [anon] part 1

1]Then the twenty years of plenty came to an end, and twenty years of famine set in. 2]The land was barren, and nothing flourished, and no glory came upon the kopites. 3]And the kopites saw the glory of their neighbours to the east, the devil-worshippers, and they saw the wealth of the Philistines in the south, who were Muscovites from the house of Chav. 4]Then the kopites suffered bitterly, and grievously did they pity themselves. 5]And the people came unto the Lord, wailing and rending their garments, which were made from shells. 6]And the Lord said, "Why are you come before me, crying and wailing? Wherefore do you rend your garments that are made from shells?" 7]And the people cried, "Behold, oh Lord, we suffer bitterly, like. 8]For thou hast brought wealth upon the Philistines, and glory to the devil-worshippers up the road; but in thy anger Thou hast forsaken us Kopites, what were once blessed in thy sight and that." 9]But the Lord replied, "How is it that I have forsaken you, when I have poured such bounty upon your heads?" 10]But the people looked around them, and saw no riches, nor the shining trophies of battle. And they protested to the Lord, "Where is this bounty, then, O Lord, of which thou fuchen speakest?" 11]And the Lord replied, "Yea, the bounty of the Lord is as the rain, that drained into the sands of the desert. For all is gone on the likes of Bruno Cheyrou." 12]But the people wept, and they no longer had faith in the Lord, and banished Him from their sight. 13]And the Lord went from that place, and two new Lords came from far away in the west. 14]And the new Lords said that They would lead the people to salvation. 15]Then the people bent over before them, and were overjoyed, and they raised their voices in praise, saying, "We're proper sorted now, la. We're gonna win the league." 16]Now it came to pass in this time that they greatly exalted the prophet Raphael, who was their leader. 17]For under his rule they fought a battle of many nations, and in the land of Lud they strove against the Burlusconians. 18]And lo, though they were almost destroyed, they fought back and vanquished their enemy, thanks to Stevie G. 19]Then the Kopites made an idol of Raphael, and cried out that he was the saviour, and by his mighty sword they would come forth in the land. 20]But in the end they came fifth.

The Dream Team next

So, it's King Kenny.

He will no doubt be thankful to his captain Steven Gerrard for all of his help during his first match in charge,especially in the second half.

Kenny will be hoping for success, but LFC have a plan for the ultimate dream team should Dalglish fail.

Next up - Derek Akorah and Bill Shankly.

Hello. is that the Alzheimer's Society?

Quote on the radio this afternoon from the Liverpool Manager:

"I can definitely say my glass is half full. No way is it half empty."

Er, Woy.

If it's half full, then it is also [fill in obvious epithet here please].

Please don't let Blackburn win tonight. Don't want him sacked yet, he is just so much FUN!